Recent disclosures in my karate life have led me to reflect on the impossibility of knowing what’s in another person’s heart. I believe in the goodness of people, at least that all people are capable of heart-felt connection to others that makes our humanity possible. Capability, however, does not equal reality, and sometimes those among us who are most willing to believe in the best people have to offer are therefore vulnerable to the realities created by those whose hearts are driven more by a desire to dominate, control, or manipulate others in ways that are entirely self-serving. Unfortunately, the short-sightedness of this self-serving approach to life can be concealed in a world where the easy momentum of day-in-and-day-out of life allows us to live within our hopeful presumptions rather than examine our relationships themselves — because it is only in relationships, active, involved communicating relationships, that we can come to see beyond our presumptions (often hopeful, idealistic) to the realities that are present. This helps me to understand moments in my life when I have recognized a certain toxicity in a group of people working in close proximity. It is like a slow gas leak, I suppose. One is breathing just fine. The headache that starts as the atmosphere becomes more toxic is easy to dismiss. As the headache persists, and aspirin is easy enough at hand. So, just take it and the presumption that all is well remains. But then the drowsiness sets in and if we haven’t recognized the toxicity of the very air we are breathing, then we will lay down to rest not realizing that death is nearby.
When it comes to human toxicity, actual death might be a good outcome compared to the alternative. Because in human environments we adjust to the toxicity, and in doing so forget what the air felt like going into our lungs prior to the toxic fumes invading our atmosphere, and our presumptions about our own health remain in tact. Denial about this toxicity, or hopefulness that it will simply go away is a common response. And, sometimes the toxicity runs itself out, or the non-toxic air overwhelms the toxicity. But in cases where the toxicity has abundant resources (like the trust of the leaders of the community), failure to act against that toxin, or hoping that it will go away is a retreat from the human responsibility we have to each other.
It’s not that these things are easy to sort out. Assessing the health of a community, its relationships and communicative practices is the central driving feature of the manuscript I have been working on for the past eight months. All this involves making judgments. Judgments can be very dangerous because they tend to close us out from seeing alternatives. People who make snap judgments and then doggedly refuse to consider other possibilities are toxic. People who refuse to re-examine their own presumptions about others, or who assess situations and position themselves as knowing better than anyone else, are toxic. To be around these kinds of people and to support them even in the most general ways — like socializing and cultivating friendships with them — gives their toxicity more potency and more reach.
It takes courage to act in response to a toxin that is hidden because it is concealed within the healthy aspects of the environment. Let’s just pretend it’s not there. Let’s just wait and it’ll go away. These are dangerous responses.
Acting against human toxins like this is not straightforward. It requires a great deal of involvement in those very relationships. It involves a dedicated effort to examine relationships and practices to try and discern what makes the difference between toxic and healthy. And, it requires that we be open to seeing and doing things differently. We live in a world with so much inhumanity. Why would we not take every opportunity to look, see, and live in ways that allow to keep re-seeing the possibilities and the limitations of each of us and the communities in which we live?
I welcome your thoughts.
When it comes to community and community health, so much depends on the leadership. I think about the academic environments in which I’ve found myself over the years, from grad school to now, and it’s always true that conscious (or maybe even mindful) leadership tends to lead to the best communities. One cannot lead by accident – it takes concerted effort and sometimes intervention, occasionally removing the toxic or disruptive elements, to make it work. There must be sincere mutual respect for each other, and shared goals, and those always come from leadership.
I’m going to go out on a limb, here, at least to people who are closely familiar with our dojo, and make a claim that it is insufficient to be a “humble” leader. Humility is elusive and easily lends itself to false humility. Having spent the last four years in two somewhat different leadership roles in my professional life, I have found it is not enough to be humble. You have to approach relationships consciously. This does not mean becoming a tyrant or leading with a heavy hand. Yes, it does mean leading by example but that is insufficient because people cannot always see what the leader is modeling. A leader must also make judgements every day; is this the right person to take on this responsibility at this point? What can I do to bring that person back into the fold? How do I help this person understand that they are working contrary to the goals of what we want to achieve? Is this one too far gone to salvage? We make these kinds of judgements when we have opportunities to consciously bring people in. It is harder in an environment where we don’t get to choose who joins our communities. But difficult or not, leaders must set the tone and the example. Sometimes, they have, and the tone and example is one that fosters a toxic community rather than a health one.
Thank you, Lisa, for your comments. You bring a lot of experience in leadership to the table, and those who know anything about the academic environment know that it is among the most difficult places to carry out effective leadership. Yet, in your own workplace you’ve lead in a way that has cultivated excitement about your unit’s collective mission and respect for what each person brings to that effort. You have to deal with a lot of strong “personalities” whose interests are sometimes not in line with the overall goals, and that has meant you taking actions that some people don’t like. No matter the short term ruffling of feathers, people have recognized the wisdom of your decisions and can return to a place of mutual respect. You use judgment and put yourself out there not as someone who is always right, but as someone who takes responsibility that comes with your position. It seems to me that because you do that, people are less likely to get caught up in little things and are more likely to engage in open and respectful ways. That allows you then to see more of all the complexities of what’s going on and therefore exert your leadership responsibilities in more and more effective ways. Your success speaks for itself, I think.